Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A Blog Cries Out

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This lady has gone back to her native place in Andhra she visited my work place every Thursday I normally try not encourage beggars and I read pain as your read light when you shoot a picture through your camera , this inbuilt meter is what allows me the discretion to shoot what I want to shoot too.

Her child will be asleep but she will force her to wake up adding to the sympathy factor..she is a young mother and such is her silent stress she wants you to give her money not for herself or her beggarly state but for her child?

Or is it because of her husband ?

I dont know I shoot pictures I never ask personal questions helps in the log run, why should she narrate her life story to me , she would if I was a woman photographer but I am not..

And as I reiterate time and again who would ever ask her why she has been reduced to life of a beggar.

I am not a social activist I am the light that shows you a path where pain lives pain has no permanent address it is like a bee always on the move.

Earlier when I joined Flickr as a newbie 10 June 2007 took a lot of flak for showing Islam in bad light some called my act of photography a heresy , I hit back with poems than I did one thing one hardly does I choked my Flickr comment box for good.

I like comments I am a good commenter too but I keep my hate my bias to myself..I dont come running to your door to say your religion sucks I just would not be able to do it, so on my Flickr photo stream if you dont find me you are sure to find yourself in the religiosity you believe.

I also shoot with your eyes your devotion when I shoot your faith as passionately as I shoot my own.

So back to the beggar Muslim woman , tell me honestly if she had no pain would she really like to beg from strangers I talk of this Muslim beggar or others I shoot , there maybe a black sheep or two beneath the hijab but who am I too judge.

I must make a serious confession here during my days of drinking I was an alcoholic once upon a time a million light years away,., I came home sloshed wanted to sleep but there was this beggar lady who would scream her lungs out ALLAH and in a continuous breath non stop, her sound her scream drove sleep away I wanted to go outside and shout at her do get the you know what..but I covered myself and went back to sleep.

She tortured me every day of my life and I never saw her once in my life time ..eventually I forgot about her I gave up boozing for good and I thanked this screaming lady who embedded Allah on my alcoholic stupor those days thereby holistically curing me, for the healing I thank my own family.

So Allah works in strange ways , I am going through very hard time and within my anguish within
the cry of my soul I shout ALLAH more times than her.


And I am stuck in the wrestling hold of fate there is no relief no escape the blog gives me momentarily relief it cauterizes my wounds through the wounds of others I shot and share.


I dream poems may sound strange and it is dreams that I relive through words.. words in the soul of images I shoot.

And as I said earlier if I stop shooting pictures I could by just updating an old Flikr post add a new lease to life..like I have done here..

Sometimes I am sick and tired of shooting pictures the same story revisited everyday , but photography is what heals me and perhaps heals you too.


I am a chronicler I received a friend request at Flickr a very nice one but I shall block her nevertheless simply because I am sick and tired of adding cross dressers transgenders who over impose their sexuality their fetish on me by having me on their contact list as their poster boy..I am not interested ..

I copy her message sent to me..

I AM REBORN TODAY


Firozji, i feel like as if i am reborn today. yes ji i find it difficult to type this mail as my vision is blurred by tears. reason....? i saw the pictures captured by your soul... and i am still crying.. life..with its mysterious colours... men and women with their joys and pains...unknown things in the known world of ours... oh my God you made me see life in an an absolutely new angle and made me to feel that iam born again today. can i be included in your list of contacts...iam afraid of using the word fiends... I will stand at a corner and watch you in awe. just allow me that.

My reply I just wrote to her before I block him/her for good.

I am sorry I cant add you nothing personal its just that I am off all it
I am sick and tired of seeing porn semi porn pictures perhaps NOT on your stream but in the stream of your friendS I have a daughter a grand daughter should be enough as an excuse .

I will be blocking you to remove you as a one side contact ,
Take care
Nothing personal.


At Facebook I will not add people without mutual contact, incomplete profile and without a message to me before adding me I deserve that as I have my family stuff and cant add somebody I am not compatible with..

This is a blogger as he cries out life is nothing
but a wrestling bout when bad days finally go
good times come the lord pulls you out
you have to go no way out
no bribe this one rule you just cant flout
however hard you plead you shout
the grave waits the hole beckons
the wet soil waiting with an open mouth
i never planned this poem but words came out
from the brain of my smithy where poems sprout

to randy der joel my best friend

we sometimes think alike

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