Friday, May 14, 2010

As A Photographer I Have Nothing More To Show

i dont have pictures of
lovely nebulous
azure skies
or hand painted
looming mountains
budding virginal flowers
i am sorry
you have come to the
wrong address
all i have as a photographer
is the pain of the people
i shoot on the streets
the dregs of society
living beneath the line
of humanity and dignity
living in shit eating
breathing shit
yes the smell of a hijra
clings to your soul
never goes
creaky cot
bed bug infested
the walls
seminally stained
pan stains
bleeding red
beneath the
torn mattress
that will not be used
across the bed
the urine smelling
cubicle of a loo
where the hijra
will wash herself
wash your member too
the money
for the instant fuck
rs 50 for a flying fuck
she took much before
the pleasantries began
as you climb down
the stairs guilt ridden
the tingling sensation
of a strange encounter
yes you will come back again
walk the stairs of doom
get fucked again

The Hijra Whore

do you want to know more
she has to score
or get beaten some more
legs spread wide face down
she is sodomized
on the floor
indoor or outdoor
the rise and the fall
of the hijra whore
a broken down
unworking part of society
only society can restore
healing touch
without rancor
but they choose
to ignore
her plight
as she gets
fucked more

Main Rand Hoon

dhanda karti hoon
raste par
main apni kismet
se pareshan hoon
bezuban hoon
bagair bhurke ke
raste pe bhik mangnewali
main ek musalman hoon

This is the irony of life if they whore they are condemned and those with kids on their laps I shoot at Bandra too are condemned , caught in a vicious circle of no escape.

How she came to the Hijra Cages I dont know I never ask them about their past.. its their bleak future that scares me.

Sheis a very sweet person I have met at her house with Heena and I dont know how or why she allowed me to shoot her naked pain on the streets .

And sadly there is no Fatwa to rehabilitate the fallen and downtrodden woman speaks volumes of the fanatical hate of the clergy for the Womanhood on the streets .

Main Hijda Hoon

main hijda hoon
main hijda hoon
main hijda hoon
iske age main
kya kahoon
mera dard
main hi sahoon
lo meri tasveer
dikhao duniya ko
main hijda hoon
main hijda hoon
main hijda hoon
banavat ke usulon
se main bichda hoon
admi ki shakal
aurat ki nakal
bas itna hi kafi hai ke
main hijda hoon
man hijda hoon

Hijde Ka Zamana Yad Aya Hijde Ki Kahani Yad Aiee

meri ankhon
main jhak kar dekh
yes i am a hijra
keeps me awake
my thirst an empty
pitcher tries to slake
a glass that
easily breaks
but opaque
lifes camera
on the roll
shooting pain
without retake
a hijra that
god allowed
man to make

Jab Hijde Ki Maut Ati Hai

woh budaphe ki aur bhagta hai

Khuda Jab Husn Deta Hai

hijde main nazakat aiee jati hai

The Hijras and Dargahs

Whatever insulting or derogatory remarks the radical cleric of Ahle Hadees Mehraj Rabbani might have said about the hijras and the Holy Saint Khwajah Moinuddin Chishti of Ajmer Sharif as alleged in the media.. the fact remains that the so called radical hate spewing cleric has not contributed to the glory of Islam and Peace and Brotherhood as the Holy Saint of Ajmer .

Ajmer is a place where God lives and he lives there as much as he lives in Mecca or Medina .. Ajmer Shaif is the reflection of Karbala as the Khwajah promoted a religion of peace a religion of Humanity .. we Shias call it Hussainiyat.

To understand Islam Imam Hussain and his sacrifice is very essential a sacrifice that changed the face of Islam as painted in blood by Lanatullah Yazid.

Lanataullah Mehraj Rabbani too.

I have seen the devotion of the Hijras to Ajmer Sharif , they lavish all their wealth and love on the Holy Saint , he protects them and understands their pain and their anguish.

They my miss any event in their lives but not the Urus of Khwajah Gharib Nawaz.

He pulls them towards the gates of Peace as he pulls the rest of Humanity and me too.

I am a Shia but irrespective of what the Shia belief maybe towards Dargah and Sufism , I follow the Kaif of the Sufi , I go in trance and I dont smoke hash , humanity is a part of my religious background embedded as Faith..

I dont bad mouth any religion save the religion that condones murder terrorism and misplaced martyrdom..I dont mind if you consider me less Muslim but you certainly would be insulting me if you considered me less human or less Indian.

I am a street photographer a street poet and a blogger my scriptures are the silence of my soul, I breathe Sure Yasin..the Surah that keeps me alive and allows me to see the next dawn of my Life.

I shoot hijras I have written a lot about the Hijra angst, all my own observations as a person who poetizes images and the imagery of a drama of life.

Sometimes I think Hijras are better examples of Islamic thought than gun toting eunuch who hide their face plant bombs kill their own and also kill the rest of Humanity..

And I would rater be called a Hijra than be called a Misguided Jehaddi.

An these hijras I shot are million times more human more god fearing than those eunuchs in Karbala with prayer beads in their hands watching with fear the Holy Prophets Grandson being brutally slaughtered worse than the sacrificial Goat during Bakra Idd that is given water to drink before they slit its throat...and those eunuchs neither protested nor did anything to save Imam Hussains life.

When I write this I will be condemned for being a Shia ..but than if being human is being a Shia or being a Shia is being a Kafir than I am happy to belong to the faith I belong too.

So now you have one of the reasons why I shoot peace loving Hijras of Hindustan.

And I am a Hindu by my cultural inheritance , I was born in Hindustan the same land of Peace that Imam Hussain wanted to come to in order to avoid Muslims killing Muslims on the plains of Karbala.

So from a drop of a tear that fell from the eyes of Princess Fatima the Shias were born I readily believe in this ..and I am nothing but a drop of a tear in an ocean of Pain we call Ghame Hussain.

Dedicated to my Peersaab Fakhru Miya Hujra No6 Ajmer Sharif.

Nobody Shoots The Hijra Like I Do

you may
consider it
my boast
my poetic
but i shoot
the hijra angst
with my impassioned soul
my humility barefeet
rains dust or heat
life that is bitter
life seldom sweet
but the hijra life goes on
their fate they cant cheat
begging on the streets
to make ends meet
yes i shoot the hijras
a half full glass

The Curse of the Hijra

the curse
of the hijra
is a blessing
in disguise
of a pain
in her eyes
broken wings
touching god
she fall
she cries
again she
gets up
her fate
as a loaded
are human
they pay a price
as a drop
of a tear dries
the feet of god
in the skies

Maine Khuda Ko Dhoonda

maine khuda
ko dhoonda
admi me mila
maine admi ko
hijde main mila
murjhaya hua
khudaiee main khila

Agar Main Hijra Na Hoti

toh kya hoti
kyon soti
apne palang
par kyon roti
meri ankh
se churaya
ek moti
kyon khoti

Main Hijra Toh Nahi

jab se dekha
maine tujhko
main hijra ban gayi

Being A Hijra is One Fucked Head Ache

i became
i wanted to be
for my inner
souls sake
i needed a break
i became a hijra
was it a mistake
give and take
but i realized
being a hijra
is one fucked
head ache
not for me
for others
who think
i am fake
if they could
like a witch
me at the stake
and i am
not even poisonous
not even a snake
those that
take my ass
fuck my soul
keep me awake
a hijra only man
no god could make

Why Some Hijras get Upset When I Shoot Their Pictures

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Hijras may like photographers the kind you see dressed in normal clothes like media photographers , they may even spare the precocious woman photographer who shoots hijras to keep up with the Shakirs and the Jones.

But invariably in spite of being notoriously infamous shooting hijras for some time I am , still castigated by hijras who dont want me to shoot them , one because of my sartorial signature I look like a Tantric and the hijra even in modern times feels I will steal her soul.

One Hijra called me a Behrupiya ..a person in Disguise and an agent of a society that hates hijras , one hijra at this event Chalisva of Ragini Naik at Park Site Vikhroli picked up a burning log from the fireplace to break open my skull.. simply she did not like nosy photographers shooting a private moment and I was a guest of Heena Hijra my patron from the red light area of Peela House.

So shooting hijras is not as easy as it might seem , I have gone through stiff opposition , fights and shot the quintessential angst of the hijras.

I climbed the Malangad mountains bare feet both ways to shoot the Hijras at Haji Malang.

Only one person called me to her birthday party Simran dancer transgender but because I post all pictures on the net , at Flickr and at my Hijda Eunuch blogs on Word Press I have stopped getting invitations .

I shoot hijras differently I shoot them as fleeting wordless poems provided you read them as poems too.

I leave my work rush to Ajmer for the Urus and I am invariably broke , I rough it out change various trains walk barefeet , to feel the pain of a drama of life and I shoot the hijras at Moti Katla.

So my tryst of Hijras that began at Matunga road shooting the prostitute hijras soliciting on the road I have finally reached this far in hijra photography.

I shot the Hijras at Peela House the dangerous red light area of Mumbai , not once but many times barefeet cursed by the whores and the pimps ..yes I live on the edge shooting hijras this is my high my Nasha whatever you call it.

And though I have a Hijra Guru Laxmi Narayan Tripathi I have not made use of her name or her contacts , I shot the Hijra Gully No 1 at Kamatipura too.

One place I could shoot hijras without any problem is Delhi , because of my relationship with Gopal Haji Naik and Babita Hijra , they invited me several times but I could not leave my work..I dont earn through photography I dont have any other source of income.

My only regret as a blogger who shoots Hijras is not being able to make it to Koovagam. I had a French photographer who wanted me to accompany him but I politely refused .

So Koovagam remains unseen by the Barefeet Hijra Shooting Blogger of Mumbai..

I am more at ease shooting the beggar hijras and the hijra performers that dance at weddings in the slums.

I have also shot Hijra Rafaee , Hijra Bawas .

And my grand daughter Marziya two years old has no problem or fear of the hijras.. she shoots them as efficiently with her eyes as I shoot them with my camera.

I have also shot Hijra impostors too..

And now I am hoping somebody comes forward to help me publish my hijra pictures poems and blogs..

They Fuck Hijdas Dont They !

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racial profiling
hate for the hijdas
their chosen path
of getting even
with the rebels
of society they say
they fuck hijdas
dont they
under the garb
of a criminal law
by the British
as parting gift
for our
Independence Day
article 377
that sodomizes
the soul of humanity
in every way
treated as
an untouchable
a diseased person
a stigma a taboo
till this day
the hijda
society's scapegoat
to be destroyed
in every way
the hijra carries
the burden of his guilt
victim and the prey
a puppet on a string
till his dying day