To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.
Friedrich Nietzsche
I have shot a lot of beggars as a photographer I have lived with beggars I have broken fast with them on the roads at Bhendi Bazar ,, but all theses years even after shooting Appu my friend who has no hands or legs ,, this boy hit me the hardest with his hard stare accusingly piercing my soul and thrashing the poetry within me ,,
And maybe he could not understand why I was shooting him , and here I was barefeet and the hot floor was really killing me as I took a few shots I gave him money but my money was not special , simply because everyone gave him money ,, it was my camera that had caught him unawares .. I wish I was more human if I could sit down by his side and feel his pain his innocene of living without raising his hands towards the skies ,, he will never do what other kids do and if you think about all the acts we do with our hands ,,, his life is tragically doomed ,
Maybe if some rich man could take charge of him , give him a better education a better life and prosthetic s but than those who come to Ajmer Sharif fill the coffers of the Holy Shrine ,, and expect rewards in return,,, like my friend Alex W said women in his world are more busy with lip jobs boob jobs and removing wrinkles Botox shots and souls like this child keep falling into an abyss .
I never spoke to him, he was not inclined to speak to me I looked like a bawa in my long robes and turban and my spiritual sartorial serenity that may have seen out of place to him with my obtrusive cosmic camera .
I shot him in 2013 but never saw him in 2014 and I searched most of the lanes of Ajmer Sharif ,,,I wanted to meet him talk to him. but my thoughts remained within myself.
And this is Ajmer the city that bestows hope on such beggars and even beggars like me ,,we have hands but at times we are impotently limbless in our aspirations our search incomplete .
I could force a poem here but will it change the pain of this child .. it would change nothing ,, and he has a guardian hidden from my camera view , who watches over him , feeds him washes him and perhaps uses him as a merchandise to bring in more money I know nothing ,,,does he feel left out when he sees other beggar kids running around with plates in their hands for begging ,, does he feel left out when in the spare time the other beggar kids play Gilli Danda ..or Koyba with marbles or rotate the top..
This is perhaps the only beggar kid who left me defenseless to his gaze this is the only beggar child who aborted my dreams .. this is the only beggar child who made me feel like a limbless child too ,and I felt agonizingly ashamed of the camera in my hand .
Jack Tolaram ,,I hope you read this and strengthen your spirit ,, you have more than two hands cher ami..
